Who Stole the Rock of Ages

Written by Ernest Capraro

The Deer Valley Rock Art Center is a repository of art and history, preserving ancient petroglyphs and pictographs for the modern world to study and enjoy. Maintained as a part of Arizona State University, it is ideally situated near caches of desert rock, upon which natives could leave their mark in the clay-coated surfaces. The meaning of this art will forever be uncertain, as the artists died long before any art critics had the chance to ask. Since the artists are long gone, their work is priceless, valuable beyond any dollar measure. Sadly, such value can lead to problems as well.

Dr. Welsh could barely contain himself. First, someone had delivered, practically to his doorstep, the most astounding piece of art ever, and now, not a week later, it had been stolen. It was intolerable. How could anyone stoop so low as to steal this prize of humanity, this “Stona Lisa” of petroglyphs? Only money could drive a person to act so fiendishly, he reasoned. Disgusted, he shook his head and waited.

Sure enough, his four research students showed up for their Monday morning assignments, right on time. Three of them made it on time, anyway. Denise showed up five minutes late, her leg in a cast. Dr. Welsh was too preoccupied to notice, so she didn’t get the usual lecture on punctuality.

Dr. Welsh knew that one of these four was the culprit. His other staff all had perfect alibis, and the evidence pointed clearly to an inside job. The alarm had been deactivated Sunday, at 11:03 a.m., and reactivated just three minutes later. The thief had known the codes and known exactly where to find their prize quickly – back in the preservation lab. So far, no one had informed the students of the theft. He decided to keep it that way, for the moment. Only the thief would know.

Aside from the time of the theft, Dr. Welsh had only one other clue to work with. A trail of sand had fallen from the thief’s pants or shoes as he or she walked through the building. In Arizona, such a thing wouldn’t be unusual, but a quick lab test had shown that the sand didn’t match the local sand – it had a different composition, and came from somewhere else. The students had just had a three-day weekend, so the culprit had probably gotten sandy while on vacation somewhere.

It was time to begin. Dr. Welsh took a deep breath to compose himself, and went to greet his students.

“Welcome back everyone. I trust you all had a relaxing weekend.”

Skye Smith piped up immediately. “It was good, but not as nice as being here.”

Juan Carde snorted at her. “Are you kidding? Anything is more relaxing than work.” When Dr. Welsh raised an eyebrow, Juan hurried to adjust his wording. “But working here is still better than other places, I mean.”

“Oh, would you two stop sucking up so we can get our assignments?” Denise wasn’t in the mood to be patient. “I want to go sit down already.”

Denise was usually such a sweet girl that she caught Dr. Welsh’s attention. “My apologies Denise, I hadn’t noticed your leg before now.” He waved them all into the lobby, where chairs were plentiful. “There’s no rush to get to work on a Monday, but we can certainly talk sitting down.”

Once they were seated, Dr. Welsh knew what he wanted to ask everyone, and had the perfect place to start.

“However did you manage to break your leg this weekend?”

Denise grimaced, either in pain or embarrassment; it was difficult to tell which. “I thought it would be a good idea to hit the slopes up in Aspen, Colorado. About the time I tumbled down the mountainside Saturday morning, I started to rethink that idea.”

Dr. Welsh needed a little more information. “How did you manage to get home with that leg?”

“After they had me patched up, they contacted my parents for me. They came and drove me home after I was released from the hospital Sunday afternoon. They said that next year I should just take them along so that they could enjoy the skiing part too. That’s sympathy for you.”

Dr. Welsh nodded thoughtfully. “What about you Mr. Gaigon? You’ve been awfully quiet this morning.”

Jim quickly looked up from the floor. (Had he been avoiding Dr. Welsh’s eyes, or sneaking a nap?) “I’m sorry professor; I didn’t – YAWN – sleep much last night. I spent the weekend in Roswell, New Mexico, visiting the International UFO Museum and Research Center. I came back late yesterday afternoon, but I tell you, that desert sun coming west was murder on my eyes. I kept dreaming about bright spots and aliens all night long. It was creepy.”

Juan scoffed at his story. “UFO’s, ha! You think the sun was bad on your drive? Coming back from Long Beach, California yesterday afternoon was just as bright, and I hate driving into the sun. Oh, but a weekend in the surf was well worth it.”

Dr. Welsh looked surprised. “Why Juan, I didn’t know you were a surfer.”

Now it was Juan’s turn to look a bit embarrassed. “Well, I’m not much of one yet, I’m still learning. When I say I spent my time in the surf, I mean exactly that. I kept falling off my board. I think the people were calling me ‘Can’t-Stay-On Juan’ by the time I left.”

That got a chuckle out of Dr. Welsh, despite his usually professional demeanor, and despite all that was on his mind. “We’ll promise to let you be just plain Juan here, never fear. What about you Skye, how was your vacation? You look a bit tanned.”

“And well I should,” answered Skye, flipping back her long brown hair. I flew down to Cozumel, Mexico for some scuba diving with the fishes. I’ll bet you didn’t know that I scuba either.”

“Well actually...” began Dr. Welsh, but Skye went on after inhaling.

“It was beautiful, just like always, with the sparkling water and the beautiful fish, and so much to see, and the perfect sun for tanning. Oh, I could have stayed forever, except that I would never do that to you. Even so, I almost didn’t make it back. My plane was delayed, and delayed again, and it didn’t get back here until one this morning. But I’m still not as sleepy as Jim. I slept on the plane. I always say – get your sleep when there’s nothing to do, or else you’ll miss it when there is.” She glared over at her snoozing colleague. “Okay Jim, you can wake up now, I’m done.”

Jim yawned and stretched. “I feel much better now,” he managed.

“That’s good Jim,” began Dr. Welsh, “because I have some important news for you all.”

They all perked up, attentive to what he would say.

“Yesterday morning, someone stole the ‘Stona Lisa’ we received last week.”

Four gasps caused him to pause.

“Worse, the theft was by one of our own – one of you four, and I’m afraid that I now know who that person is. You all have alibis, but the guilty person is lying. Please don’t do anything silly, a police officer is patiently waiting in the next room.”