Who Stole the Caveman's Dinner?

Written by Moe Zilla

65 million years ago, Grog the caveman fell asleep under the sun. He snored, enjoying a long nap. He dreamed he was chasing a dinosaur, and that the dinosaur was afraid of Grog's mighty club. It was the dinosaur that ran, and it was Grog who was triumphant.

But then Grog was woken up -- by the roaring of a real dinosaur. And his day was only going to get worse …

Grog noticed the sun was gone -- he was now in the 75-foot shadow of an Apatosaurus. The dinosaur eyed Grog curiously, then lowered its head down for a closer look. The dinosaur was always hungry, and its neck was 25 feet long -- almost as long as its tail. As the dinosaur stretched its neck towards Grog, the caveman could see its two shining black eyes drawing closer and closer.

Grog grabbed his club, and bashed the dinosaur's head.

It roared with pain, pulling its neck back, and then charged angrily towards Grog. He felt the ground shaking as he ran, while the dinosaur's 25-ton body stomped furiously towards him. The enraged beast lowered its head as it moved, and Grog desperately swung his club again. The club missed the dinosaur, but it squealed with rage as it lifted its head away. Grog scrambled for a grove of trees where it was too thick for the dinosaur to follow him. He could hear nothing, save for the sound of his own panting lungs. Behind a rock, Grog dared to peek, but the angry dinosaur had stopped running, and seemed more interested in eating a large cluster of bushes. A monkey laughed in the tree above Grog.

But Grog was about to become the first man to ever solve a mystery.

Because Grog was tired of being chased. He wanted another nap. And he wanted dinner. Grog scowled at the monkey. He wondered if the monkey would fear his mighty club. Or, if the monkey would chase him, too.

The monkey seemed unafraid, and even playful, chattering happily from the highest branch. Grog saw why the monkey was happy -- it was eating!

Grog still wanted dinner. He wondered if he could eat a monkey. Or, if he could climb the tree, he could steal the monkey's food. The monkey looked down at Grog suspiciously. It made monkey noises, swinging over to the nearest branch. Soon it would disappear among the trees.

Grog tried not to crack the branches on the ground, so the monkey wouldn't know Grog was following him. The monkey was afraid of Grog's club, he thought, and Grog wanted something to be afraid of him today -- even if it was just a monkey. But he was also curious where the monkey was going.

Further ahead he could just see the monkey's furry brown body swinging through the trees. Suddenly the trees became shorter, with shady fronds that were dark and green. Sweet smells filled the air, and Grog felt as though he were dreaming again. The monkey had led him to the most wonderful thing he had ever seen: Enough bananas for 100 dinners!

Grog smiled, his eyes moist with happiness. He imagined himself eating a banana. And then another. And then another, and another. Maybe he'd make a bed from banana peels, or wear clothes made from banana peels! And when the dinosaur chased him, maybe it would slide on all of the banana peels. And then Grog could beat it with his club.

Grog hoped nothing would happen to his bananas. He shimmied up one of the tall, skinny tree trunks and picked a tasty fruit out of a bunch (and then another, and then another). Even the monkey chattered happily, as though having a rowdy mealtime conversation, and playfully tossed the peel from every banana over its shoulder without looking. The bananas glowed in the afternoon sun, but Grog realized that the sun was lowering in the sky. He would return to his family, and remember where he'd left the banana trees.

He slid down the tree and swaggered as he walked, strutting with pride over his new discovery -- “100 dinners.” He carried a large bunch of bananas with him, and he dragged his mighty club in the ground behind him (leaving a deep groove in the dirt). Tomorrow when the sun rose, he would follow the line again. But this time, his family would follow him. And Grog would be a hero!

Grog peeked cautiously into the field at the edge of the grove and raced to the other side. There was a gently sloping mountain, and Grog knew its trail well. Enormous boulders overwhelmed the dirt and grass, making it too difficult to climb for anyone but the cavemen. Grog could see black smoke rising in the sky up ahead. His family would be warming themselves by the fire, and grumbling about their hunger.

Suddenly Grog was tackled to the ground.

He angrily kicked and thrashed his arms in frustration, until he heard the other caveman laughing. He turned to see Droo, his younger brother, sitting behind him in the dirt and snickering.

Grog threw a banana at Droo.

Droo looked confused, as the banana bounced off his shoulder and plopped in the trail. Grog stared with exasperation, then picked up the banana and pulled back its peel. “Mmmm,” said Grog, sniffing the sweet banana. Droo now eyed the banana with hunger and greed. “Mmmm,” Grog said again. And when Droo was good and interested -- Grog threw the banana at him again. Then he ran for their cave.

Droo had scooped up the banana before chasing after him, so Grog had a head start. Grog ran as fast as he could to reach the tribe before Droo. He left his club on the trail, and arrived panting and laughing. His family stared in surprise. His father and mother were warming themselves by the fire, just as Grog expected. Grog's mother smiled, and he sensed the tenderness in her kind eyes and long grey hair. And when Grog held up the bunch of bananas, their eyes lit up with joy. There'd be dinner for everyone tonight, and breakfast for tomorrow.

Grog shared the news about the banana orchard hidden in the grove. He described its location, and how he'd used his club to leave a trail through the jungle. Grog's father seemed suspicious. It was dangerous to wander beyond the field, where the Apatosaurus lurked. Why had Grog risked his life -- chancing death for the family's precious older son -- to explore in the trees? Grog's mother listened with interest, but said nothing. She was chewing on one of the bananas, happy and quite contented.

Droo was jealous. Droo had found no food, and had disappointed his mother and father. And Grog arrived with an enormous bunch of bananas -- which tasted funny to Droo. Droo had never been able to climb a tree, so he had never tasted one of the mushy fruits. He threw the banana peel at Grog, and was even more irritated when Grog ignored him altogether.

The family slept peacefully in their cave that night. Grog dreamed happily of delicious bananas and his proud family, though all through the night, he could hear his father snoring. A gray sky woke Droo in the morning, and as he sat up he deliberately nudged Grog with his elbow. When the rest of the family woke, they began walking down the mountain together. Grog led the way -- past the boulders, down the trail, to the edge of the field.

The sun was shining, with only the morning sounds of birds chirping happily in the jungle. Even the buzzing insects seemed cheerful today, as Grog spotted the deep groove that he'd made with his club.

But there was something wrong.

The trail quickly disappeared, as though someone had erased its path through the dirt, and everywhere there were cracked branches (though Grog hadn't disturbed them yesterday on his trip to the grove). Had someone else discovered his bananas in the night while he'd slept? Grog heard the sound of the river, and hurried forward, knowing the banana grove would be nearby.

But all of the bananas were gone!

Grog stared in disbelief at the empty trees, which just yesterday had been filled with sweet yellow bananas. The trees were there -- but the bananas weren't. There were only leaves and branches on the ground -- but no bananas! No bananas!

Was Grog being punished? Did a tribe of monkeys steal the bananas before Grog could get them? Maybe the dinosaur was angry because Grog had bashed his head with a club. Grog looked suspiciously at Droo. Did his jealous brother leave the cave last night? He could have easily followed the trail of the club -- and then hidden the bananas so that Grog couldn't find them.

But then Grog had the darkest thought of all. Perhaps the bananas were hidden by his own father. While they slept, maybe his father had come to the grove. Hiding the bananas would keep Grog from crossing the field.

It was hard for Grog to see his mother stare sadly at the empty banana trees. Suddenly, Grog realized who stole the bananas.