Who Stole Super Bowl Sunday

Written by Moe Zilla, Published on 12/15/2008, Re-published on 6/28/2010

John Elway grabbed the center's snap. His guard blocked the tackles while Elway searched desperately for an open receiver. Suddenly, he spotted Smith breaking across the field. Elway hurtled a long pass down the field.

Completion!

Elway huddled with the team, and decided to try a handoff. Ignoring the crowd, he focused only on his team, the ball, and the chosen play. The center snapped the ball, and Elway turned for the hand-off and hoped for the best.

Touchdown!

Uncle Charlie could describe the whole game as though he'd played it himself. “That was his last game,” Charlie said. “After 14 years, Elway had played in four Super Bowl games, and he'd lost every year. Then he came back one more time, just to prove that he could win the big game again. He was the only quarterback who ever started in five Super Bowl games.”

“And the only man you ever loved more than me,” teased Aunt Mary.

Uncle Charlie laughed. His passion was watching professional football, and this year he'd bought himself a widescreen TV just for watching his favorite team, the Denver Broncos. Even though they didn't make it into the post-season playoff games this year, Charlie never missed a chance to watch the Super Bowl; even if it was only so he could compare the teams' quarterbacks to John Elway!

He'd invited me to watch his first widescreen Super Bowl — which was a relief. Eight years earlier, when I was seven years old, my parents had taken me for my first visit to Uncle Charlie’s. Running through his living room, screaming about imaginary monsters, I had crashed into the cabinet with his TV set. The cabinet toppled forward, and I watched in horror as the front of the TV smashed to the ground.

So today I was relieved that Uncle Charlie let me anywhere near his expensive new television!

“It arrived yesterday,” Charlie said, pointing to the enormous plastic cover that he'd unwrapped from the screen when Phil, the burly delivery man, set it up. “They'd set it up in the guest cottage out back; but for the big game, I decided it looked better in my den. The picture is spectacular! The teams are going to look huge!” But as Uncle Charlie opened the door to his den, we were greeted by a terrible surprise.

His television was gone!

Sunday sunshine poured into the empty space in the room through its only other door, which stood wide open. Charlie rushed through the door, and the neighbor's dog began barking fiercely. The dog stood behind a fence barely four feet away. To the right, the fence joined Uncle Charlie's house, so there was only one other way to travel with the TV: left towards the street!

“Darn it,” Charlie said, since he couldn't avoid stepping in the enormous puddle of mud around the door. We looked for muddy tracks towards the street, but there weren't any. “Someone escaped with my TV — and without leaving us a clue!” Charlie wailed.

I hated to see my uncle so unhappy, but every problem is also an opportunity. If I could deduce who'd stole his TV, it'd more than make up for the one I'd destroyed when I was seven — once and for all! Maybe I was like John Elway in Super Bowl XXXIII because I, too, had something to prove.

“Who knew you had a widescreen TV?” I asked Charlie. "You said you've only had your TV since yesterday!

“That's right!” said Charlie excitedly. “Maybe we'll solve this yet.” He thought for a moment, then said, “My neighbor Rick! Sometimes he teases me that I care too much about football. I'd invited him over to see the new screen yesterday. Maybe he came back and grabbed it as a practical joke. “Uncle Charlie grabbed his winter jacket from the hook on the wall, and then we walked next door to pay a visit on Rick.

When we rang Rick's bell, he surprised us by opening the door in a football jersey — the one he'd worn as a college football player. “I never got tackled!” Rick liked to brag —mainly because he'd spent the entire season sitting on the bench. They'd called him “Rick the Brick” because he weighed 240 pounds; though, maybe they'd also thought he was dumb as a brick. “I'm undefeated!” Rick shouted, opening the door. In his living room was a regular 13-inch TV screen, where he was obviously planning to watch the game.

But Rick looked even more like a football player today for another reason. “What happened to your arm?” Charlie asked.

Rick's face turned bright red. “I was throwing some passes with my nephew last night, and I tripped on a sprinkler and broke my arm," he said sadly, lifting a white plaster cast held in place by a sling around his neck.

He showed us the autographs he'd gotten on the cast from the staff at the hospital. Rick didn't have a lot of other friends.

“Did you see anyone strange approaching my house?” Charlie asked. Rick shook his head no, but he also said that he'd been sleeping for most of the morning. Looking at Rick's own set, we realized the game was about to start. Uncle Charlie quickly said good-bye, leaving Rick to his one-man Super Bowl party.

But on the way out, Uncle Charlie got an idea: “There's one other person who knew I had the TV,” he pointed out: “Phil the delivery man! Do you think there's any chance he came back here this morning and grabbed it for himself? He's big enough to carry it off — and it'd be an easy way for him to sell the same TV twice!”

We saw Aunt Mary waiting for us as we approached the house. “Maybe Uncle Charlie's just teasing you,” Aunt Mary suggested. “Is there any evidence that he even had a TV here?

And suddenly the answer hit me.

“I can solve the mystery of the missing TV!” I told Uncle Charlie. “And I'll do it before the game even starts!”