It was a small Scottish castle, miles away from the nearest town. Behind a large wooden door in the front, I discovered the whole first floor was a single, enormous room. Dark stone staircases led on either side to an open second floor, which was filled with shiny armor from the Middle Ages. It felt like the ghostly bodies of knights, preserved for centuries and now left on display. Above that was a dark top floor, which Bertram had converted into rooms for guests. But unfortunately, he'd only attracted three paying customers.

"And now I've lost me prime exhibit," he wailed.