MORIARTY PICKS A MURDERER (PART ONE)

Written by Robbie Cutler, Published on 4/20/2009

Professor Moriarty glowered through his one-way mirrors at the four men who had assembled in the anterooms of the study of his mansion in the West End. He stared at each in turn, waiting to see if anyone was intimidated. That would certainly be a disqualification. Anyone who was intimidated by plush surroundings would certainly not be up to the task of murder. And certainly, such a person would not be up to killing Sherlock Holmes!

It had taken Moriarty a lot of time to arrive at his decision. As with any businessman, Moriarty allowed for some losses—spoilage or shelf time, if you will. But crimes, which were detected, and thus unsuccessful, were an unacceptable risk when your business was masterminding the majority of crimes in London. And the fact that it was inevitably Sherlock Holmes who, along with his sidekick Dr. Watson, spoiled Moriarty’s crimes meant that the problem was localized. Get rid of Sherlock Holmes, and the problem was solved.

The question was how to go about it. Moriarty could, of course, undertake the task himself. However, his rule had always been to have some underling, well-trained and briefed, commit the actual crime. That created a very public deniability for Moriarty himself, who could always produce many eyewitnesses to show, if the police inquired about his whereabouts, that on the night of the robbery or murder, he had been at Covent Garden enjoying the music, or was having supper at Simpson’s on the Strand. It was a proven formula which had worked more than once. All the more reason to have someone else kill Holmes.

But that was no reason to be careless in his preparations. Moriarty had decided not to let the men see one another, so that each would know as little as possible about his plan. Clearly only the man who measured up would be chosen for the job, but that didn’t mean there should be eyewitnesses to the actual selection. That would be inviting trouble. No, Professor Moriarty would interview each man in turn, give each a week to prove himself, and then after the selection, make a final arrangement to see the selected assassin and complete arrangements. The four men he had chosen to meet were Herman Houlihan, Ed the Bludgeoner, Morris the Ascot Dandy, and Fastidious Fred Fielder. There had been several criteria for this selection. First, none of the men was generally known in London. Scotland Yard did have its informants throughout the islands, but police detection was not yet a very exact or national science, and it was possible for a criminal to be relatively unknown far from his usual haunts. And each of the four, Professor Moriarty had it on good authority, was an experienced murderer.

Each man was called in separately, and during the interview Moriarty informed the candidate that he was under consideration for a murder in London which would pay very well, indeed. He then mentioned the name of the potential victim, Sherlock Holmes, and was pleased that of the four, two men, Herman Houlihan of County Wicklow, Ireland, and Ed the Bludgeoner, recently of Glasgow, had not even heard of the famous consulting detective. It was a point in their favor that neither Morris the Ascot Dandy nor Fastidious Fred Fielder, who both knew Holmes by reputation, wanted to back down. “It’ll make things easier for all of us when Holmes is gone,” Morris said.

The four men were asked to study Holmes carefully, and form a plan for his removal from earthly concerns. It was now Sunday evening, and each would have one allotted day to shadow the man personally, and the rest of the week to formulate his plan. They understood now that it was a competition for the murder assignment, and each undertook the task with some enthusiasm. They would return to Professor Moriarty’s quarters at stated intervals the following Saturday.

The following Saturday night, Ed the Bludgeoner had the first appointment, and came into the study. Ed was a Scotsman of massive build, whose weapon of choice was, as his nickname announced, the bludgeon. He preferred direct action to prolonged analysis. He said that he had spotted Holmes immediately that Monday on Baker Street. He had seen Holmes striding purposely towards 221B, carrying a surgeon’s bag and puffing a bit, as though his physical condition was not at the absolute peak. Ed made up his mind quickly, and was resolute once decided. He had spotted an alley about a block and a half from Holmes’ apartment. He noticed that Holmes always followed this route. It would be an easy matter, some night when the fog was dense, to waylay him as he passed the alley. One sound crack with the trusty bludgeon should do the job. Ed the Bludgeoner offered a hideous grin, pleased with his own plan.

Next came Herman Houlihan. He had observed Holmes closely on Tuesday, and had even shadowed him around London. It was clear to Houlihan that Holmes was on a case, so single-minded did the detective seem. He barely smiled at those he met, and he appeared preoccupied with a woman. Houlihan was close enough at one point to hear Holmes mention a name, Irene Adler. Holmes even seemed somewhat melancholy. This must be the love that got away. Since he was so susceptible, Herman Houlihan’s plan was clear and virtually suggested itself. “It will only be necessary to find an attractive young woman, winsome if I can find a good Irish lass, to beguile the great detective and lure him to a spot where my knife will do the rest.” As an admirer of feminine charm himself, Houlihan was convinced that he could find the right woman to act as a lure for Holmes.

Fastidious Fred Fielder, the next man, was thoughtful. He knew Holmes by reputation, had heard that he enjoyed fine violin music, and had even seen him at concerts, a pastime that he shared with the great detective. “More than once,” Fielder added, “I’ve seen Holmes at a concert after he has solved a crime. And on Wednesday, whilst passing 221B Baker Street where Holmes’ flat was located, Fielder was convinced that he had heard the violin being played somewhere within the building. “And quite well, too,” he added. “Not everyone can play Paganini’s great violin concerto!” Fielder had consulted the concert schedule for London appearances, and had discovered that Sarasate would be playing the following week. His plan was to send Holmes tickets to the concert, and then to have an usher produce a message to Holmes at intermission, summoning him to an urgent case. “I will have prepared carefully what comes next,” Fielder added.

Morris the Ascot Dandy entered. He was very well dressed, as his nickname implied. He said that he had seen Holmes on Thursday, and was surprised that such a famous man wore such informal clothes. “We can appeal to his sense of vanity,” Morris said. “Take that deerstalker cap for example, that he always wears. He would look much smarter with a black bowler hat, like a banker. We’ll send him an appointment for a free hat fitting, and then take care of him when he leaves the shop—Holmes won’t be able to resist!”

Professor Moriarty thought for a moment, and then decided which of the four men he would choose to rid himself of his famous enemy.