Green Feet

Written by Barney Parmington

Margie found herself sitting on a couch all alone in her darkened living room. She knew that she was a snooze hound who had a habit of falling asleep at the drop of the hat. Still, falling asleep in the middle of her own baby shower was probably a little over the top. Since she was alone, maybe the baby shower was just a dream. She really hoped that was the case. Finally, realizing that it was her phone ringing that woke her up, Margie reached over and answered.

“Hey sleepyhead.” It was her best friend Diane. “We got tired of waiting for you to wake up after you fell asleep. When you did not wake up fairly quickly, almost everyone just left. Some of us decided to stay and clean up. We had hoped you would wake up and open the present that the four of us got you. However, we finally got tired of waiting and moved the party to our favorite hangout, Yours Truly. We have your present here, so hurry down and meet us.” With that, Diane hung up.

Realizing that the baby shower was not a dream, Margie knew that she needed to get to Yours Truly as quickly as possible. After all, her best friends deserved a big thank you for cleaning up as well as an apology for falling asleep at her own baby shower. So, she hopped off of the couch (okay, she swung her legs back and forth several times to get enough momentum to rise from the couch since she was almost nine months pregnant) and reached for her coat. Fortunately, she already had her sandals on since she never took them off these days. She could not remember what her feet even looked like these days. That was the joke between them. All of her friends thought it was funny that after years of teasing her about her big feet, she could no longer see them. That was why her husband helped her put on sandals first thing in the morning each day and she never took them off until bedtime.

Walking out of the house, she passed through the kitchen on the way to the garage. For some reason, the food coloring was sitting on the kitchen counter. She did not remember using it for the shower, so she had no idea why it was out. As she got in the car, she noticed that several bags of trash had been placed in her garbage can. On top of the last bag was a pair of latex gloves dyed green. How strange.

As she drove to their favorite restaurant, Yours Truly, she realized how important her friends were to her. For most of her life, they had all been there for each other acting more like sisters than just friends. Yours Truly was where they always gathered. After all, it was a great place to meet. It always felt like you were eating at your friend’s house when you ate there. It is just a warm, happy place with good food and great people. Best of all, except for Maureen who lived half an hour away, they all lived within 5 minutes of it.

Parking nearby, Margie shuffled towards the restaurant. As she approached the restaurant, a young boy held the door open for her and said “Green”. She had no idea what he meant. Two other patrons were in front of her. They both turned, looked at her and said “Green” as well. Margie was going to ask them what they meant when the waitress seated them. She saw her friends in the back and headed to meet them. Several more people she passed all said the same thing: “Green”.

Sitting down with her friends, she quickly thanked them for cleaning up after the shower and apologized for falling asleep. They all said that it was no big deal and besides, it was going to make for a great story. Margie then commented that everyone was saying the word green to her and she had no idea why. Carm handed her a mirror. Written on her face in some type of red ink was the question “What color are my feet?” Margie realized that not only had one of her friends written on her face, but they had obviously dyed her feet green as well while she was sleeping. Laughing as Margie looked at her face in the mirror, Jen was kind enough to confirm for her that indeed, her feet were green.

Jen told her that the guilty party had told them about it when they all arrived. She was the last to leave the house and no one else had known what she was going to do. After everyone had laughed about it, they had all agreed on a punishment. If Margie could figure out who did it, the guilty party would buy a $100 savings bond for the baby. It was now up to Margie to figure out who did it. They agreed that she could ask four questions, but she could not ask who did it. They promised to answer all questions truthfully.

Prior to questioning everyone, Margie grabbed a napkin, wet it in the water glass and tried to get the writing off of her face. Unfortunately, it did not come off. Maureen handed her some fingernail polish remover and suggested she try that, but it did not work. Carm asked the waitress for some club soda, but that did not work either. Finally, Diane found an unopened bottle of rubbing alcohol in her purse that easily got the writing off of her face.

Margie was grateful her face was no longer a billboard and told Diane, “Thank you. I guess I should ask if anyone has any suggestions on how to get the green off of my feet.”

“That is your first question” Carm shouted. Diane replied, “Sorry, but as far as I know, there is no way to get food coloring off your skin. You are going to have green feet for a while. Hopefully, they will be back to normal by the time you can see them again.”

Margie commented that it was not fair to charge her a question for that, but she knew her friends and knew it would do no good to complain further. To start the questioning, Margie asked, “Did the last person to arrive come straight to Yours Truly from my house?”

Maureen replied, “No. I had to drive my Mom back to my house first, so I was the last to arrive by 20 minutes.”

Margie had been examining each of her friends’ hands for signs that someone might have some green dye on them. Everyone’s hands were smooth and unblemished without a trace of green. Since green hands were not an issue, she moved on. Margie turned to Jen and asked, “Do you still have that allergy to latex?” Jen replied that as far as she knew, she was still allergic to latex and that Margie only had one question left and to make it a good one.

“No problem” replied Margie. “I just want to know who bagged the garbage.” Carm said that she had gathered up all the trash from the baby shower, put it in several plastic bags and put it into the garbage can in the garage.

Margie said, “Well, I know who did it.”